This Is Me.

People actually do go to fat camp

People were totally right about all girls camps

I wasn’t alone

We’d all been the fat kid

I wasn’t the only one made fun of

Fat is just a word, it didn’t have to be an insult

Not everybody there hated their body like I did

Not everybody there let their weight define them

I shouldn’t let my body define me

Just because we were all fat didn’t mean we couldn’t play some kick ass games of Soccer

Everyone has insecurities

But that doesn’t mean they can’t still be confident

I can be confident

Let’s admit it, we all know confidence can be sexy

Just because I’m not skinny, doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful

I might not always remember it

But I am damn beautiful

Beauty isn’t just about looks

I have reasons to be happy with who I am

People actually care about more than just looks

And some of the most important things fat camp taught me:

Quoting Heavyweights when you’re actually at fat camp makes it 10 times better

MTV has no idea what a fat camp is really like

And last, but most definitely not least,

I really needed to just come out already.

I don’t know if I’ll see him cry, but I don’t even remember seeing him really sad ever. He’s ten years older than me and in my eyes he always has everything pulled together. I’ve always thought he might be just holding back all his emotions, but I think I just haven’t been around him when he’s let them out. I feel like he’s never wanted to let me see him upset because I’m his baby sister and he doesn’t want to be sad in front of me, but I don’t want him to feel that way; I want him to feel how he feels no matter what. I can’t wait to see him and hug him, but I even am nervous about going to hug him, do I say something? What if I start to cry? I haven’t seen him in a little bit and so I want to see him in general, I just wish I was seeing him under different circumstances. What if I seem too happy that he’s home because I’ll be happy he is but not happy why he is and I’m just not going to be happy either. None of us are. I might just see him for a night, hopefully he’s staying the night; I may be nervous but I want to see him and I want to hug him and I want to be there for him. The funeral’s in the morning and I’m not even going to be home for it, but I hope he’s going to stay the night and not drive back to Boston right after. Maybe he’ll come with me and my parents later that night when some people are going to Patrick’s house to see his family, not calling hours, but just some friends to be there. I just want to be there for all of them. I’m happy at least that I’m not going to be crying alone anymore. Life just isn’t fair sometimes. 

Wounded

The gapping hole inside me

That I’ve learned will never go away

It may have shrunk

Even healed a bit

But it never left

There’s a scar there

A scar that will

Always remind me

Of the hole there is inside 

One that I don’t just long to forget

But that I long to fill

But it’ll never be full again

That piece was taken from me

Stolen

And now you just see a scar

A scar that will always remind me

A scar that will never let me forget

That I am and forever will be

Wounded 

Learn

To live

In spite

Of the

Pain, the

Sorrow, the

Numbness

Otherwise

They will

Have taken

Your life

Away

not like ka$h is what some people call me or anything..

I’m sexually frustrated. Veryyy sexually frustrated. I cannot wait until I’m not three thousand miles away from my girlfriend. Gahhh.